Top tips for a happy half term

Autumn is a wonderful time of year – the change of season, the light, the colours, the harvest festivals, the family pumpkin carving. But it’s not all about kicking leaves. Autumn is also the longest school term in the academic year, and it can often feel highly demanding for our children AND their parents. Transitioning back to school after the extended summer break, with shorter, darker days while adjusting to new classes and new routines, can be exhausting, emotional and sometimes overwhelming for our children – and can affect their wellbeing too.

The half-term break cannot come soon enough for children and parents. We all need the time to relax, recharge and truly reconnect before we head back for the hectic but exciting run-up to Christmas. With only a short time to catch our breath, how do we get the most from our precious time together and end the break all feeling calmer, more connected and revitalised for the weeks ahead? Through careful planning, the break can be a fantastic opportunity to reconnect and revitalise for the weeks ahead.

Here are our five steps to a relaxed, fun, revitalising and happy half-term.

1. Plan ahead for the half term break

Preparation is key.

Not only will being prepared make the break more enjoyable and manageable for parents, but children thrive when there is structure and predicability around activities or tasks. Routines are an important part of creating a home that feels safe and secure while helping children develop good habits and skills.

As Benjamin Franklin once said, ‘By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail’.

This might sound severe when discussing a school holiday, but the best half term breaks don’t just happen. Investing energy in preparing practically and emotionally as a family, while prioritising and being realistic, are important first steps. We are usually good at the practical stuff – reading lists, dentist appointments, family outings and playdates – but we should also plan for the softer emotional side and always think of ways to deepen our connection too.

It's always effective to start with a planning session. Involve everyone, and collaboratively organise your holiday time around doing fun things and having family time together.

One great strategy is to research and book events and activities weeks in advance, in case they are fully booked for half term. It’s also important to plan a contingency for indoor and outdoor events. This provides the flexibility to choose unique activities, keep busy, and prepare to share in new experiences with the family. This also helps you with the fundamental elements of event planning such as budgeting.

A family discussion helps to respectfully address everyone’s free time needs, such as meeting up with friends, as well as helping to thrash out any hotspots, including screen time or chores around the house. Be clear about the boundaries and calmly empathise with any resistance.

Taking the time to plan and prepare our children for transitions with planning responsibility, rather than expecting them to jump from one activity to the next, is a respectful, helpful and important skill. What a wonderful thing to practise away from all the stress of the UK school schedule! Our intense, focused eight-year-old who adores drawing responds much better to change if we calmly and gently remind her what comes next: ‘We’re off for our walk with the dog in 15 minutes. What do you need to get ready?’ We can empathise that it’s tough: ‘I know you love being inside where it’s warm. Do you remember how much you loved it when we found those conkers yesterday?’

Restorative, relationship-building family time doesn’t just happen; we need to set up for a successful time together by taking the time to plan, anticipate, collaborate and communicate. Planning and routines can help our children know what’s expected and what comes next both practically and emotionally.

2. Take some time to relax

We like being busy. It helps us feel productive, engaged and sometimes even worthy. We spend so much time being busy at work that it takes discipline to slow down. We like to keep our kids busy too. This holiday is a chance for us to take it all down a gear, to be present and give our children much-needed unstructured time to do less and recharge. Holidays don’t mean that routines go out the window – making time for healthy meals, exercise and sleep is still important – but we’ll have more time to slow down, adjust and make the most of our time together.

It’s hard to be present if we are always busy. Dan Siegel and Tanya Payne Bryson draw upon this in their book The Power of Showing Up. Their research shows that parental presence – how a parent is open to and focused on the inner life of the child – is the best predictor of how emotionally and socially resilient a child will be as they develop into young adults. They describe how this parent-child relationship helps foster a secure attachment by providing the Four Ss: being seen, soothed and safe to cultivate security.

It’s empowering to know that showing up for our children has such an impact. If we are busy rushing from pillar to post during half-term, or at any other time, we’re missing an opportunity to be present. Our children only feel that presence if we slow down, engage and get into their world. It’s about sending the message that there is nothing else we would rather be doing than spending time with them. How can you make a concerted effort to be present this week?

Although it may fill us with dread, it’s important for our kids to feel at ease when we slow down enough to find unstructured time. We can prepare for successful downtime and anticipate the cries of ‘There is nothing to do (that is not on a screen)!’ by embracing the brilliance of boredom. This could range from a no-device games night to a family activity involving creating a shelf with books you have all chosen to read. Perhaps you could even create an accessible family cupboard with designated 'stuff to do'. Brainstorm for ideas during your family meeting and fill it with lots of basics – glue, paper, paint, wool, stencils, cork – for endless hours of fun.

Thinking of time when we can be present and time that does not need to be filled takes discipline and planning, but the rewards are worth it.

3. Calmly sort the sibling struggles

If your heart, like mine, starts racing just thinking about a week together and the inevitable sibling squabbles, you’ll be reassured to know that all siblings fight and argue. It’s a normal and even healthy part of growing up.

You’ll also be reassured to know when sibling rivalries do occur, it’s not our job to fix, shut down or mediate every sibling disagreement. Our job is to be the calm, non-judgmental, objective coach rather than the referee and, as much as we can, let our kids figure it out.

Clearly, we need to intervene if things escalate, but when we ignore the low-level bickering and focus on helping our kids learn rather than giving out the yellow card, they’ll take on board that we have faith in their ability to find compromise and solve the problem. Embracing this approach throughout their half term will build your relationship and improve family wellbeing.

For instance, instead of ‘Would you two just stop arguing!’, try: ‘I see two kids who want to watch two different films on the same night. I’m in charge of the popcorn. Let me know what you decide before we leave for the park this morning. I’ll be in the kitchen if you need my help.’

I used to jump in and accuse my young son of starting almost every altercation – he was more physical and reactive than his younger sisters. Years later, they all let on that most of the time my daughters had wound him up – they knew exactly how to set him off and I reacted unhelpfully but predictably to his outbursts. Had I had taken a deep breath, remained neutral and responded calmly, I could have helped to de-escalate and calm the situation rather than contributing to the heightened emotions and negative feelings.

The best way to help siblings get along is to lessen the chances of squabbles happening in the first place. If we focus our energy on making the most of this holiday time we have together, and are fully present, calm and connected, it is much less likely that our children will express their needs through heated sibling struggles.

4. Use the break to strengthen your family relationships

‘Only if a child feels right can he think right’ – Haim Ginott

One important way that we can get closer to our children and help them ‘feel right’ over the half term break is by supporting their wellbeing. As clinical psychologist and author Haim Ginott once said, 'Only if a child feels right can he think right'. Away from the pressures of UK schooling, we have a wonderful opportunity to exercise our emotion-coaching muscles and deepen our connection, so that each of our children feels truly seen and understood. For example, with the familiarity of seeing their classmates and friends everyday, a sense of loneliness may creep in for children during the break. Improving wellbeing through conversation is about accepting all feelings without judgment, and helping our children learn to accept, talk and manage emotions.

We now know, thanks to years of research, that children are happier, more resilient and successful when their parents engage emotionally. We also know that how we feel affects what we do. Children who feel deeply understood, accepted and supported to recognise, acknowledge, and express their feelings in a healthy way learn to regulate their emotions and improve their wellbeing.

Rather than following our instincts and reacting to our kids’ behaviour, perhaps by dismissing (‘oh, there is no reason to get upset’), fixing (‘I’ll sort it for you’) or asking a thousand questions (‘Didn’t you hear me when I reminded you? How could you forget them again?’), take time to calmly understand, reassure and relate to how they’re feeling.

We can put ourselves into their shoes (it might feel a little uncomfortable in there) with these three steps:

Stop what you are doing and listen. Put down your phone (or any other distractions), take a deep breath to calm yourself and truly tune into your child.
Imagine what it feels like to be them. Look for and empathise with the feeling behind the behaviour. For example, ‘Wow! For you to be that upset shows me this is really important'.
Name the feeling. Describe how your child might be feeling and ‘Name It to Tame It’ (a phrase coined by Dr Dan Siegel). Putting the emotions into words helps our children, at any age, know they are not alone, soothes their inner distress, and helps them get back to a calm state. For example, ' I’m wondering if you were embarrassed and hurt that you were told off for forgetting your football boots again. It probably feels unfair and you might even feel picked on. That’s tough!’

Children should know that ALL emotions are OK, it's just the behaviour that sometimes needs to be limited. No matter how uncomfortable they might feel, you can provide them with the chance to open up and feel better. No one likes to feel embarrassed, jealous, disappointed or unsuccessful but, once we help our child experience the feeling safely with empathy, they learn to move on and manage these feelings. After they have processed their emotions, we can help them think through possible solutions:

‘How do you think you can help yourself remember your boots tomorrow? Yes, putting them next to the front door now is a great idea. Let’s go do it together.’

Emotion coaching is worth the time, and it does take time to pause and calmly tune in to our children’s unique experience. Children learn to adapt better, can understand and regulate their emotions better, have fewer wellbeing challenges and grow their emotional intelligence. Perhaps most importantly, they feel better about their relationship with us. What an important skill to practise over the holidays.

5. Let go of perfection

‘The essence of being human is that one does not seek perfection’ – George Orwell

A key tip for a happy half term break is simply realising that there is no such thing as the perfect half-term, the perfect parent or perfect kids. It’s about doing our best, being ourselves, learning from our mistakes and remembering that we are human. Our children don’t want perfection – they want us.

Take the time to think realistically, slow down and be present for your kids. There will always be low parenting moments. When things don’t go according to plan, when we lose it with our children (or indeed with our partner) in front of the children or when general life just gets in the way, we can show respect through honesty and reassurance. For instance:

‘I’m just exhausted. I am sorry that I haven’t been there for you today. I am going to get up and finish my work early tomorrow morning. What would you like to do later?’

‘Wow, I didn’t mean to shout at you. I let my worries get the better of me and I’m so sorry.’

‘I can see that you’re upset. We should have set out clearly what we needed to get done and agreed it well in advance so that you could manage your screen time. Let’s make sure that we talk through our weekend plans together.’

By showing vulnerability and honesty, we are teaching our kids that it’s OK to make mistakes and that we can repair, problem-solve and move on. We can take comfort in the fact that much about parenting is modelling, and we are modelling vital life skills. We are, after all, doing the best we can with what we’re working with in the moment. That’s enough.

When we are proactive and anticipate and prepare, it’s much more likely that things will go well. When we take the time to be present, tune into our kids and calmly respond, we’ll feel closer, understand each other more and have a whole lot more fun.

Have a happy, restorative and relaxing half-term, and enjoy the family time you have together!

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Top tips for a happy half term

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