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My child is being bullied. What can I do to help them?

By Talk ÍÑ¿ã°É
09 March 2022

What to do if you discover your child is being bullied at school is a common concern for many parents. How should you react? What can you do to reassure your son or daughter that it is not their fault? How can you help them regain the confidence to skip into school each day? The parenting experts at brilliant children’s mental health charity recently launched , an online parenting hub packed full of tips and advice on everything from sleep difficulties to peer pressure to anxiety. Below, they give us their advice on …

Try not to get angry or upset  or  try to fix  things 

Bullying can include things like hitting, threatening, unkind teasing and leaving someone out on purpose. Thinking about your child experiencing any of this can be really painful. But it’s important to put your feelings to one side.

Try to listen rather than react. Sit down with your child and let them know you are listening. You can do that by repeating back what they’ve told you.

Help them understand what bullying means. When a child falls out with their friends it can be painful and difficult, but it is different from bullying. And it’s important to make the distinction between rude and mean behaviour and bullying. Bullying behaviour is intended to hurt someone AND repeated.

Reassure your child that it’s not their fault.  

There is still a stigma around bullying. Children can feel like they’ve done something to deserve it. You can help them see that’s not true and that bullying should always be called out.

Try saying, “You are very brave for telling me. None of this is your fault. What you’ve been going through sounds horrible, all children deserve to feel safe at school”.

Bullying is often about power. But your child isn’t being bullied because they are weak, and it doesn’t make the bully strong.

Children often bully others so that they feel more powerful. “I am feeling small and the only way I can feel bigger is to make you feel small.”

You can talk this through with your child.

Help your child to come up with ideas about how to make things better. 

If your child is being bullied their behaviour may change. For example, they may be quieter or angrier than usual. Or they might fall behind or not want to go to school.  

If we work with them to find a solution, we can help them to feel better. Like they are more in control of the situation.

Ask your child: "What would you like me to do to make this better/to help?" rather than just taking over. Including them in decisions will avoid more stress and worry for them.

Bullying includes one person or people having power over another. When we step in to rescue our child, we are taking even more power away from them. If we support them in finding a way forward it helps them feel more confident. And it teaches them problem-solving skills.

Celebrate your child’s strengths and differences.

Help them see they are unique and fantastic just the way they are. Look for activities that will boost their confidence and self-esteem. This will help them keep the bullying in perspective. And it’s a chance to make new friends.

Make an appointment to talk to someone at school.

You can’t do this on your own. Make an appointment to talk to someone at school so you can think things through together. 

The Anti-Bullying Alliance has lots of .

Your child is unique and we hope there are some takeaways here that work for you. If you’re looking for help parenting children with additional needs, you can get specific advice from specialist organisations.


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