Christmas is a fantastic time of year for many and often a long-awaited holiday after an arduous autumn term.
Despite the celebrations, festivities, and opportunities to spend special time with family and friends, Christmas can also bring challenges for children and adults who can find the different routines difficult.
Our top tips for how to enjoy Christmas with your SEND children are to help you think about what would preserve the best elements of the season, while enabling everyone to enjoy themselves.
Adjusting to the holiday season
- For some children, routines – such as those in place during term time – can help reduce anxiety and it may be useful to think about creating a specific holiday timetable. This does not need to involve a 6am wake-up call, but giving some structure to the day can be beneficial. This could be a regular breakfast time and a few things that need to happen every day before screen time can start. For example, the daily tasks could include a walk or completion of some reading or homework.
- A calendar that is visible for the holiday period can be really helpful. This can show what is planned on different days and also be used as a countdown to the return to school. Some learners with SEND can have a different sense of time and days, so this will assist with that issue and can provide a structure to talk about what is coming up and what is happening.
Christmas
- Extended mealtimes that may be more formal or be with family whose expectations of behaviour may be different from those at home can make Christmas meals challenging for both children and parents. Try to pre-empt judgment so you don’t feel stressed about following the rules of another household. If your children struggle to sit down for a whole meal, can you agree that they will stay at the table for the main course only or just for the time that they need to eat their food and then be allowed to leave? Or can children eat together or at a different time if this means that there is less disruption?
- Try to describe what your children’s needs are ahead of any family visits so that you can explain fully and agree adjustments that work for everyone. You may have to explain that your child is doing the best they can, but due to their specific requirements it is harder for them to ‘just behave’ or ‘sit still’ as, for example, they may find the table talk boring or have hypermobility which means that sitting still is harder for them. By making proactive changes, hopefully others will be able to enjoy the time you spend together uninterrupted and without causing stress for you and your child.
- Even with thinking ahead and explaining the situation to other family members, there will always be some that do not understand SEND or what the experience of your child may be like. We know how hard this can be for parents, especially if this means close family members judge your child’s behaviour as being ‘naughty’ or ‘wrong’ when it may be a sign of your child being dysregulated. This could be due to various challenges, such as managing in a bigger group or environment where they are finding the sensory profile difficult to cope with.
- If parents feel their child may be unable to follow the house rules of where they are visiting, then we suggest thinking about whether the day can be reframed to work better and keep the peace. Can you visit before lunch or walk together after lunch? Would arriving later after doing some exercise with your child(ren) mean that they are better able to participate as expected of them?
- There are sensory aspects of the holiday period that may be tricky for some children with SEND or that can cause them to feel overwhelmed, for example: more people around, more noise, the opening of presents and fireworks. Try and think back to previous years and notice whether there were times when your child(ren) seemed anxious or dysregulated. What happened beforehand? What was going on for your child? Can you speak to your child about what they like and find difficult about Christmas? You may need to be specific and say things like: ‘How do you feel about the noise from crackers?’ and see what you can discover in order to work around difficult aspects.
- Empty chairs: there will be, sadly, some families whose routine this year is different due to loved ones being ill or where loved ones have passed away. This is understandably difficult. We would recommend not shying away from talking about feelings and suggest parents say what they are feeling themselves as a way of modelling how to talk about emotions. There are a number of great about supporting children with the ill health of a loved one and bereavement. A common theme is the importance of seeking professional support wherever possible or needed. In addition, making it clear that there can be many conversations over time to discuss the feelings about the loss or illness is valuable. Talking about how to involve the person that is not able to join in and discussing how best to remember those who are no longer with us can also help. Is there something special that can be done to remember the person or something that they would like others to do in remembrance of them?
Going back to school
Just as we all get used to being on holiday and finding holiday routines that work, it then ends up being time to consider the transition back to school. We recommend talking with children as much as you can about what will help. Can you start to gradually do homework together? Using the calendar idea can prepare children to get used to the number of days until they return to school and you could talk about how to gradually bring forward bedtime so that getting up earlier is less of a shock. These are good topics to discuss – not least because this is a way of helping develop executive functioning and planning skills for the future.
Self-care for parents
Lastly, and perhaps this is the single most important suggestion, we recommend parents try to plan a few nurturing ways to take breaks and care for themselves over the holidays. Even if this is as simple as taking five minutes to sit and have a cup of tea or adding holiday activities that they enjoy into the mix as well. Explaining that we are incorporating our own self-care into the plans is a brilliant, lifelong gift to pass on to our children.