Many parents are familiar with the frustrations of homework. After a long and busy day at school, most children are shattered, hungry and desperate for some downtime – and sitting down to another school assignment is the last thing on their minds. So, how can you ease the tension, end the power struggles and set up a routine that works for everyone?
The parenting experts at brilliant children’s mental health charity have launched , an online parenting hub packed full of tips and advice on everything from sleep difficulties to peer pressure and bullying. Below, they give us their advice on
Things you can try
Remember that your child’s homework is theirs, not yours
Don’t do it for them.
When you offer to help, be clear about what you will or won’t do. Doing homework is your child’s choice. You are helping them to make good choices by inspiring them, not controlling them.
It can be fun to think through homework questions together. But stick to the task - even if you’d like to go into more depth yourself!
If they are finding it too hard, speak to their teacher. You can also ask school for guidance if you don’t understand something. The way things are taught now might be different from when you went to school.
How homework can help with resilience
- Homework, and learning in general, involves moments of frustration and anxiety... so it’s no surprise many children try to postpone this tricky task!
- It can be tempting to take over and rescue your child from these feelings but they are actually very important for them to develop resilience.
- Often, we say something like, “We need to do your homework”. This may sound supportive, but it is more accurate and helpful to say, "You need to work on your homework, would you like me to help you?"
When you help your child manage their frustration and anxiety about homework, you help them become truly engaged with their learning rather than only seeing it as a task to be completed.
Set up the right routines for homework
After school, many children are exhausted, hungry and need to re-connect with parents (although they might not be able to put this into words!). It’s common for children to try and ‘put off’ homework.
Homework time often coincides with the end of the day when parents can be tired and wanting to get it ‘out of the way’ as quickly as possible.
Setting up some routines can help make homework a more positive family experience:
- Sticking to a regular time for homework will help to reduce your child’s protests or your feeling you need to nag them
- Doing homework can be hard work and it requires energy. If your child is hungry or tired, let them have dinner or a snack first
- Find a place for your child to do their homework that is away from distractions (such as the TV)
- Make sure they have the equipment they need before they get started.
Allow your child to get things wrong and try again
Learning is usually about discovering rather than getting something right or wrong.
When your child asks you a question, encourage them to say what they think first, before you give your answer. Then they will own their work and be proud of their achievement.
Keep calm when emotions run high
Homework is given to help support your child with what they are learning in school, but it can be a source of stress and anxiety for some children.
It can also be a source of stress for many parents as getting children to complete homework can lead to conflict and power struggles. We’ve all been there!
Homework might bring up painful memories for parents who did not have a good experience of school. This can make it even harder to approach homework with a positive outlook.
Remember to be the adult. It is only homework, not a matter of life and death.
Using homework to connect with your child
Homework
can become time for connection with your child and a good way to spend focused time with them.
Supporting your child with their homework shows them you think their learning is important and it can make a big difference to your child’s progress.
And you may find your child starts to tell you about their school day and experiences that they’ve had. This will mean you get to know them better and can support them with their lives.