One of the hardest aspects of being a parent can be the times when our child is struggling in some way. It is particularly challenging when this is taking place in school, as there might be so many variables that it is hard to piece together what is happening. We know families want to preserve their relationship with the school for their child’s benefit, and doing this while accessing the right support might feel like walking a tightrope.
If you are at the start of your journey, we recommend that you read our article on
diagnosing SEND to learn how to investigate what is happening for your child and whether they need further help.
Following your initial investigations, and having shared what you have discovered with the school, if you are noticing that your child is still struggling there are a number of ways that you can proceed.
Write down everything that is working and everything that is not working as you experience it. For example, is your child happy and doing well in some subjects and not in others? What is your child saying that they are experiencing when they are having difficulties? If you already have professional reports, can you identify which of the recommendations are evidenced in school reports/individual learning plans, so that you can see what has been put into practice and what has not?
For each area that is not working, think about what you already know that your child will need in terms of support from school. Again, you could look at any reports you have received about what is suggested for these areas.
Even if you have already had discussions with your child’s school, we would suggest further discussions with the SEND team to share your experience and to outline what you are seeing and what you think is needed. Sometimes parents find it is helpful to discuss the top issue on their list and address this first or prioritise the most significant areas or subjects. If there are areas of support needed that are not yet mentioned in professional reports, it may help to source further professional input and specify this in writing for the school.
It may also help to ask for a review of the support your child receives or, before you discuss the situation with your child’s school, to go back to any professionals who have been involved to share what you are experiencing and ask what they would recommend as a next step.
On occasions when parents have told us they are not happy with what is happening at school, we have noticed that what appears to be missing is a plan regarding appropriate in-class support and targets.
ÍÑ¿ã°Éal psychology reports can be great at identifying what is happening for the learner and for making general recommendations. Even experienced SENDCOs can be swamped with their caseload and find it hard to unpick specific, practical suggestions and key targets from professional reports.
In this situation, good educational advice from a specialist advisory teacher or SEND professional can help to create a plan for support in class that is practical – and identify the key areas that will help unlock progress, as it may not be possible or practical to work on all areas of difficulty at once.
Sometimes parents report that in their discussions with schools, they feel they have gone as far as they can without rupturing their relationship with them. In these cases, we have seen families successfully navigate the situation with the help of a third party. This could mean asking your child’s educational psychologist or other professionals such as a speech and language therapist to speak to the school with you. Other professional educational advocacy and advisory services can also help.
If you are not happy with the help your child receives in school, this could be because it does not have the capacity, specialist support or experience to provide it. In this case, it is worth seeking professional input to make sure that you have good advice about what your child does need. Then investigate whether there are elements of support that can be put in place outside of school or in partnership with it to keep your child in their existing school, or whether other schools can offer what your child needs.
We recommend that parents do not go through this alone and seek professional advice, or at the very least join online or in-person parent groups and find others to discuss their situation with – peer support can be powerful and validating. In the agonising over what is needed for our children, the stress and the demands that it places on parents and carers can be overlooked, even though it is all too real. So peer support and leaning on understanding friends are as much a part of this process as professional input and advice.